Monday, November 24, 2008
Nightime Help!
So for all you Mommy's, aunts or anyone who may know about babies out there, I need serious help. I am really trying to get Ava on a schedule. I have a routine at night that I start around 7:30. I give her a bath then give her a lotion baby massage. After that I lay and talk with her till she gets really fussy than I feed her and put her in her crib. I am trying to get her to fall asleep sometime between 8-9. This is where it all goes horribly horribly wrong.
I don't know how long you are supposed to let a baby cry but every minute seems like 10 minutes of death. Two nights ago I thought to myself, she is never going to sleep if I keep getting her. So I told myself to be tuff and let her cry for 35 MINUTES! It seemed like hours of torture. So last night I started the nighttime routine and she was so tired she was passing out after her bath. I thought good, tonight should be easy.....WRONG! I put her in her crib and after her crying for 10 minutes I went and got her. I felt like it was still early. I checked her diaper and she had pooped. Than I felt so awful for letting her cry that I just laid her in bed with me and nursed her laying down. She drifted off to sleep again so I put her back in her crib at about 8:30. She started to fuss and I just waited. Her fussing turned to crying and then hysterical screaming set in. Jeff went and got her after 14 minutes of it. I just held and rocked her and she would not calm down. I tried to burp her, gave her gas drops, checked her diaper, tried to feed her, everything I could think of.
So after going back and forth from her crib and her being so out of control crying I didn't know what to do. Jeff and I both work today so I knew she had to sleep for us. By 10:30 (that's right 3 hours after she fell asleep the first time) she started to calm down by Jeff rocking her. When he laid her down she woke up right away and fussed again. I finally just gave up and laid and nursed her in my bed till 11. When she finally fell asleep I didn't even try to move her. Three hours later she woke up crying and then woke up every 1 1/2 to 2 hours after that. So now I am working exhausted with a cranky tired baby who should go down for her nap soon.
Basically I am asking for sleeping advice. How do I get her to sleep in her crib for the 5-6 hours my pediatrician says she should be sleeping? She is only 2 months so I don't know if she is too young for a schedule but it would be nice. I have read that it is really bad to let such little babies cry because it lowers their confidence and makes them insecure and I have also heard that letting them cry forever is good. What worked for you? Anything??? Any advice would be great.
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you don't know me, but you know my husband, so I thought I would try to help you out a little. I recommend reading this book, "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Marc Weissbluth. It has taught me how to put my babies on a sleep schedule. And it works. It worked for me and a couple of my friends. My baby girl is 12 weeks old, and I have not started her on the schedule yet. But I plan to do so in a couple of weeks. If she is only 2 months old, it may be a bit early to start, but you can try. With our first, I let him cry himself to sleep. I would sit in my room and cry while he cried. it was so hard to do. But I let him cry for an hour. He fell asleep and slept about 6 hours. The next night, he cried again, but not as long. Maybe 40 minutes. the next night he cried less. Eventually he stopped crying all together. He is 2 years old, and he is a wonderful sleeper. He goes down at 7 and sleeps until 8 the next morning. It's hard at first, but whatever you do, you have to be consistent. Really, go get the book. It pretty much tells you exactly what to do to get your baby on a schedule, how long to let her cry, everything. You will be happy you did.
Oh yeah, it's ok to let your baby cry at night. As long as you pay alot of attention to her and love her when she is awake (in between her naps), she will know that she can trust you. She won't feel you abandoned her at night. She will learn that night time is sleep time.
I remember those days and in a few months I will be going through it all over again. It's hard huh. Anyway, I also read "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" and it helped a lot! I think they say somewhere around 4 to 6 months is when they are old enough to learn to cry it out and fall asleep on their own. Until then, just make sure she is getting enough sleep during the day. My kids had three naps a day when they were that little and this seemed to help them not be as fussy at night. I think a lot of times the reason they start crying so hard at night is becasue they are overtired and don't know how to calm down. Try putting her to sleep before she gets fussy. Sometimes after they start to get fussy then it's a lot harder to calm them down and for them to relax and go to sleep.
Also, when Tay was that little he still needed to eat at night like every three or four hours. So I wouldn't be too worried if she still wants to nurse that often and isn't sleeping 5 or 6 hour at a time. Every kid is different though.
It is really nice when they start going to bed at 7:30 and get on a schedule, but that may be a few months away. She is still really little.
Well I am the mother that did it all wrong with my first and changed something that worked with my second. Makenzie was picked up every time she cried. I never could bring myself to let her cry it out. She still doesn't quite want the bedtime routine and crawls in with us most nights around 3am. Kayden on the other hand. When he was two months old I started the crying it out. I put him in his crib the first night it took 45 minutes of crying the second third and fourth it was about 5 to 10 minutes and then he really hasn't cried since. Kayden goes to bed at 8:30pm and wakes up at 9am. He has been in a toddler or full size bed since he was 18 months old. I got blackout curtains and always shut his door since we had the baby monitor. That's still how he sleeps. Crying it out worked for me. But I don't think you should listen to anyone that says it's horrible to let them cry or horrible to pick them up. I think you should do what works for you. It's different for every kid anyway. But honestly I don't think Kayden is at all a insecure kid cause I let him cry. Also Kayden has a blanket. I found a really soft one that is really thin and small and I would tuck it under his right arm at night. When he would wake up in the middle of the night I would let him cry it took about 3minutes he would grab that and go back to sleep.
Two months is totally not to early to start a schedule. With Samuel I read every book from the library (including the one in the first post) I sat in your parents office and cried because we had let sam cry for TWO HOURS. This was the worst point. From there it lessened and lessened and then it just went away. We could lay him down fully awake and he would go to sleep. I know it is horrible but seriously healthy sleep habits HAVE to start early. My friend Jordan didn't do it with her kids and Fischer is two and a half and wakes up constantly Jordan said she feels like she is in a torture chamber. The problem is her children have never learned to self soothe. If they never learn to soothe themselves it will effect ALOT more areas then just their sleep. When you try to leave them in nursery they will have no cooping skills (fischer would scream in nursery until Jordan came and got him) The older they are the stronger they are and the longer they will cry. Seriously with sam it was so hard for me that I told Chris I would have to sleep at a hotel while he sleep trained sammy. Just remember that they are not in physical pain, you have feed and cleaned and gotten her all snuggly she just has yet to learn how to calm herself. I know it sucks but you can do it and you will all be happier for it!
ah man that is so so hard. I remember this phase like it was yesterday. I also read that book the sleep habits and it was nice. I would probably wait to let Ava really cry it out until she is 4 months. I think that baby wise and the other books that teach you how to get your child on a schedule are for easy temperament children. those books usually only say to let your child cry for like 10 min or so. If Ava is having a really hard time with getting a schedule try again in a few weeks and she may be older and more self sufficient. Maddie was the hardest sleeper ever!!! She was so colicky in the beginning and by 3 months she was only napping for a total of 15 to 20 min at a time. It was so so exhausting. At nights we just swaddled her with her binkey and when she would wake up we would put the binkey in again, time and time again. Probably not the best sleeping advice, but really where I am going with this is for the first few months I really think that they are establishing trust, and really some babies aren't ready for the crying it out, but at 4 months that is when we stopped the swaddling and the binkey and let her cry it out. Seriously you are right thought because that is the hardest thing EVER!!!! But if you wait until then you know that your little one is okay and it is just going to be a hard month (I know everyone says a week, but Maddie took a lot longer).
I don't even know if this helps any, but please please let me know if you need help!! I can watch her while you take a needed nap or if you need to work. I would love to take her for a walk or even if you wanted you could leave her here for a while if you wanted your house by yourself. Let me know!~!
Good Luck and my moto was just to survive the each day and sometimes each hour. It will totally get easier I promise!!
Robyn I just went through all of this, it is so hard because you hear so many people say that their baby is sleeping through the night so your wondering what the heck your doing wrong. I have a really hard time letting Bre cry. But it came to a point where I was so tired and I was like getting depressed. So when he was about 5 1/2 months old I decided to let him cry. I read the book "how to solve your baby's sleep problems" I loved it. It gives you a chart that tells you when to go in there and assure them that they are okay and rub their tummy without picking them up or replacing their binki. I just loved being able to go in there to let him know that I was still there. I'll tell the truth we haven't been very consistent but he is doing MUCH better. He's learned to fall asleep on his own and once in awhile I'll go in and put in his binki at night. I would not worry about it until she gets a little older. I also think it's something they learn with age, she'll do better and better as she gets older. Just hang in there, your doing nothing wrong, your a great mother. Let me know if you want to borrow that book.
Oh I remember thoes days. Sorry this might be long. Cora has always had tummy issues, so that might be some of the problem, I'd try a little more tummy time during the day. And I sware by swaddling, the tighter the better, We swaddled cora until she was almost 9 months, well 6 -9 months her arms were out it was just her legs, that where swaddled. Cora was sleeping threw the night at 2 months, and maybe we're just lucky that she was that way. We had this fisher price fish tank thing that goes in her crip that played music and had lights and sounds it was really calming, and would help her fall asleep or fall back asleep. It worked awesome for her, or she may feel a little lonely, you could try putting a plush toy in the corner by her and let her know that its there and will be with her all night, we did that also. Cora was on a schedule by 3 months when i went back to work, sleeping 9 -9, she still is. It was by no means a strict one, but the times changed a little but it was/is always the same everyday. breakfast, play, nap, lunch, play, nap, snack, play, dinner, play bedtime. But now she only takes one lone nap during the day. so really do what works best for you. I am the same I could never let her cry very long. even at a young age i would talk to her and tell her whats going on, like ok after your bath its time for bed, and your going to sleep well for mama huh. stuff like that. Good luck, i hope its a short fase. love ya!
okay, I want to preface this, because there are moms out there who are so anti this, but this is what worked wonderful for me! Everyone is different, but this is what I did! I used babywise! I really believe in it! Tessa has been sleeping through the night(8 -10 hours) since she was 7 weeks. Its basic premis is that you are in control. Its about having a flexable schedule. You let them cry for 20 minutes, and you go in and comfort them. I think you need to just read this book, and then decide if it will work for you. It has been great for me. Tessa sleeps throught the night, and takes regular naps every day, and all I do is wrap her up, give her the binky, and lay her down. Try the book out!
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